Verses 28, 34: “For she said to herself, ‘If I touch even his clothes, I shall be cured.’…He said to her, ‘my daughter, your faith has cured you. Go in peace, free for ever from this trouble’”
What do you believe? What do you trust? Where does your faith lie? For me, these questions immediately evoke a sense of anxiety. I hear them as scolding, accusatory. Somewhere, the implication seems to be that I must not believe the right thing or have enough faith. Whatever I’m struggling with must be my fault!
The path of consciousness is a delicate balancing act of seeing how our inner world (beliefs, passions, memories, perceptions, etc.) helps shape our outer world and vice versa. A judgmental eye or hateful observer interferes with our consciousness as they trigger shame or guilt that paralyzes us.
Our convictions, our gut knowing, and our felt beliefs filter what we take in and what we let out. They are pivotal in how we interact with our self and others. The expression of our sensations, emotions, intuitions, feelings, and thoughts is automatically (unconsciously) censored by internal rules and regulations (beliefs).
We are often unaware of the internal structures that block our true expression. When we use our conscious abilities to be present in the moment, to pay attention to what is happening with an eye towards (sometimes subtle) background energies, we begin to see what is helping shape our life experiences.
When we know the beliefs behind our current actions, we can strengthen the helpful ones, and we can counter the negative ones. Cultivating the opposite, focusing on what we want, evoking in our body-mind the felt sense of what we desire is a step towards creating belief. We choose our convictions, wittingly or unwittingly.
When we feel our convictions, we have faith. We know something on a felt level. We feel convinced of its certainty, its validity. We have an experience of knowing beyond our ability to put it into words. It affects us on every plane—spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically. The energy of faith moves us to action. Our part (on an ego level) is to be willing, as the woman in the scripture story, to move forward in spite of seeming obstacles.
In the story, the woman had a hemorrhage. She was losing blood, symbolic of the life force. She knew if she could even touch Christ’s robes, she would be healed. Symbolically, we can view the story as a movement of the ego, with its ability to receive, toward the totality of psyche/soul know as the Self or God Within.
We may not experience physically hemorrhaging, but most of us experience energetic leaks at some point in our lives. We find our libido sidetracked from our soul’s desires. We feel crowded out by internalized shoulds, musts, and ought to that easily attach to outside responsibilities, tasks, and people. We may feel drained of our essence by outer world demands or inner world struggles. In these moments, reaching for the Self, God Within, is what’s needed.
A part of us, like the woman in the story, knows that if we can touch the Divine Self, the bleeding will stop. The energy leaks, the diversions from our path, the obstacles to our heart will clear. We consciously move towards this clearance as we cultivate receptivity to the presence of the Self/God Within. Receptivity begins with affirming the presence of God Within, paying attention to the felt connection to the Self, and continuously pressing through whatever threatens to crowd out our connection to the Self/God Within.
Inner Reflection
Take a few moments to check in on your life force. Where do you feel connected and alive? Where are you losing energy? Are you experiencing energy leaks, diversions from your soul’s desires, or obstacles to forward movement? In these places, seek to find the connection to the Self/God Within.
Where is the Inner Divine Spirit stirring in these situations? Call on the knowing part of the psyche to help you, your ego consciousness, to experientially connect to the Self/God and receive the needed healing/wholeness.